i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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