plz talk dirty to me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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