i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
