let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
