Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
