Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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