So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
