Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
