literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
this boner is exhausting
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
