I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
