I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
