He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize