my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
