Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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