do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize