My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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