U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
