Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize