If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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