My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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