sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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