I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
