Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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