My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
