A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
