So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
