i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
