the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
