She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
