So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
