Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
