I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm so fucking centered right now
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
