why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
