life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
