everyone is single if you try hard enough
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
