what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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