literally had 100 drinks last night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
