We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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