k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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