singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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