In the future we'll all be gay
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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