you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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