Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
