you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
