You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The adults are the big ones right?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
