I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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