I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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