she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
