I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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