I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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