I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
