Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
