I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
