Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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