i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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