R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
