Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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