Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize