So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
