I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
