Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
