Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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